When Grief Feels Stuck: Understanding and Moving Through Complicated Grief
Navigating Complicated Grief
When Grief Feels Stuck: Understanding and Moving Through Complicated Grief
Grief is a deeply personal and often unpredictable experience. While many people gradually adjust to their loss over time, others find themselves feeling stuck—unable to move forward no matter how much time passes. This is known as complicated grief, a form of prolonged and intense mourning that interferes with daily life. If grief feels like an unshakable weight that won’t lift, understanding its causes and learning how to navigate through it can be a crucial step toward healing.
What Is Complicated Grief?
Complicated grief, sometimes called persistent complex bereavement disorder, goes beyond the normal mourning process. While most people experience a gradual lessening of grief symptoms over time, those with complicated grief remain consumed by their loss, often for years. The pain may feel just as raw as it did in the immediate aftermath, making it difficult to re-engage with life, maintain relationships, or find joy in everyday experiences.
Some common signs of complicated grief include:
Intense longing or preoccupation with the deceased long after the loss
Avoiding reminders of the loss or, conversely, an inability to move beyond them
Persistent feelings of guilt or self-blame
A sense of emptiness or hopelessness that doesn’t ease over time
Difficulty accepting the reality of the loss
Inability to trust others or form new relationships
Struggling to find meaning in life without the loved one
While grief is never a linear process, these signs suggest that mourning has become prolonged and deeply distressing in a way that significantly impacts mental health.
Why Does Grief Sometimes Get Stuck?
There are many reasons why grief might feel unmovable. Some contributing factors include:
The Nature of the Loss
Sudden or traumatic deaths, such as accidents, suicide, or violent events, can leave survivors feeling trapped in shock and disbelief. The mind struggles to process the abruptness of the loss, making it harder to grieve in a healthy way.The Relationship with the Deceased
If the relationship was deeply dependent, conflicted, or unresolved, grieving can be more complicated. Unfinished business, guilt, or regret can keep emotions tangled in the past.Lack of Support
Grieving alone or feeling pressure to "move on" too quickly can make the process more difficult. Without a support system, emotions may remain bottled up, leading to prolonged suffering.Personal Coping Style and Mental Health History
Those who have struggled with depression, anxiety, or past trauma may be more prone to complicated grief. Difficulty expressing emotions or a history of avoidance can also hinder healing.Social and Cultural Expectations
Some cultures or families discourage open expressions of grief, causing people to suppress their emotions. When mourning feels "unacceptable," it can lead to unresolved grief.
How to Move Through Complicated Grief
If grief feels stuck, know that healing is possible. Moving through complicated grief requires patience, support, and sometimes professional help. Here are some steps to consider:
1. Acknowledge the Reality of the Loss
One of the hardest aspects of grief is fully accepting that a loved one is gone. Denial can keep grief frozen in place. Finding ways to honor the reality of the loss—through memorials, journaling, or storytelling—can help bring acceptance.
2. Allow Yourself to Feel the Pain
Avoiding painful emotions only prolongs suffering. While it may feel overwhelming, allowing space to feel sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief is a crucial part of moving through grief. Therapy, grief groups, or expressive outlets like writing and art can help process these emotions.
3. Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts
Many people with complicated grief hold onto thoughts that keep them stuck, such as:
"I should have done more."
"I don’t deserve to be happy without them."
"Moving forward means forgetting them."
These beliefs can be addressed through cognitive-behavioral techniques, which help reframe guilt, self-blame, and fear of moving on.
4. Reconnect with Life and Meaning
Rebuilding life after loss doesn't mean leaving a loved one behind. It means finding ways to carry them forward while engaging in life again. This could include:
Engaging in activities or causes that honor the deceased
Establishing new routines that create a sense of stability
Finding purpose in helping others or sharing your story
5. Seek Support and Professional Help
Sometimes, grief is too overwhelming to handle alone. Therapy, particularly grief counseling or complicated grief therapy (CGT), can be incredibly effective. Support groups can also provide comfort in knowing others have faced similar struggles.
6. Be Patient with the Process
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Some days will feel harder than others. The goal is not to "get over" grief but to integrate it into life in a way that allows for both remembrance and renewed hope.
Final Thoughts: Grief Can Evolve, Even When It Feels Stuck
Complicated grief can feel like a never-ending cycle of pain, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. Healing begins with recognizing where grief is stuck and taking small steps to move through it. With time, support, and self-compassion, it is possible to find a way forward—honoring the past while embracing the future.
If you or someone you know is struggling with complicated grief, reaching out for support can make all the difference. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone.